Here we go....PET Result and plan of action

So as I mentioned in a status update recently I had a new PET scan just before Thanksgiving and brain scan results that came back saying "no evidence of metastatic cancer" in the brain :)...went and picked up report but Doc was out of town until this past Monday. I had a big treatment this past Tuesday and then left pretty much afterwards to head to Duke for my appointment yesterday...I am wiped out ....BUT I just want to tell you more details on my scan and what is going on...Not sure if you remember but my first PET when I was initially diagnosed with Stage IV, metastatic, inflammatory breast cancer...there were at least 10 tumors in my right breast, 4 on my liver, 2 on my lung and there was cancer in my left shoulder....SOOOOOOOO God has been listening to so many prayers and working just the way that HE wants to AND.....this most recent scan says that in right breast that the tissue is much softer and that the lymph nodes have shrunk, AND that the 4 tumors that were on my liver...well it says that they can only clearly identify ONE which in the beginning was around 11.9 mm...now measuring around 3.4 :) and that the other 3 cannot be identified with normal liver activity :)!I mean God is working it, just pushing that chemo through to do what He wants and I am lovin it!!!! The two on my lungs were measuring up to 5 mm and now are around 2-3 mm..the one in my shoulder...well it looks to be resolved - GONE :)! To God be the Glory...for the things He is doing and has done!!!!!!!! I am pretty excited b/c, friends, obviously I want it all gone...but it could have gotten worse and/or done nothing...God has it all planned out and I am just rolling with it but with a bigger smile on my face - to be honest!!!!! So....Duke Doctor says we are going to do 4 more cycles, I have already done 4 and look all that has happened according to HIS plan....so I go back in March and from there things may change...Maybe it will be ALL gone...this is my prayer anyways...Doc mentioned some clinical things going on..talked about injections, spacing out treatments more, some surgeries to be considered - ovaries being taken out b/c my cancer feeds off of estrogen, etc..Something he did say that made me feel even more excited about results was that when we were talking about the liver and how there is still one lesion on there ...he basically acted like ..no big deal..I was like why and he said that there looks to be hardly any cancer activity going on in the liver..yes, he said if they biopsied the liver which they are not anytime soon that there would be some cancer cells in there, but it is like the chemo has stopped the cancer GROWING in the liver and that is GOOD!!!!!!!! It reminded me that what I have is a manageable situation right now and not curable BUT God will have the final say in all that!!!! So, it has been good...I am happy at the way things are going and so are my docs! Can I just share with you some stuff...ya'll knew this was coming -lol...and I am sure it will not be too long -lol!!!Anyways, what was cool about yesterday is I have met a sweet lady on FB, Julia Pare, through my Aunt ...well, she goes to Duke and yesterday she had an app. and we got to meet in person and it was like we had always known one another...apparently people were moving away from us b/c they couldn't hear there name being called back b/c we were being so loud...it was not enough time so hopefully I will see her again there and then after my app. my Aunt Sally and cousin Maghan drove up and we had the sweetest time at lunch catching up...!!!!! I am sooo thankful for so many in my life for my family and friends I have met on here - who live in my computer, for my friends that I have not seen in many, many years but it is like it doesn't matter b/c our friendships have not changed...for living in a county where my family has been taken in and not one day goes by that I am not in AWE of the compassion in the students, the adults, the community!!!!!!! For friends who have travelled to share in sweet times of song and prayer!!!! For prayers!!!! For encouragement!!!! I am so thankful...if you only knew that that word is not strong enough to how much I really mean it in every way!!!!!! I am a bit off today..I have the entire mommy and chemo brain going on ...so I hope all this makes sense and I am sure there are typos...ok so I will wrap this up!!! In His Grip, Catherine

I had a brain scan yesterday..just for baseline????

So, I had treatment yesterday - just herceptin and then right afterwards I had a brain scan and the ladies there were soooo nice. They aren't allowed to tell you anything, but I try and read into it...during the test one of the ladies said "The pictures are looking good, we are almost finished" So she could have said ...you are doing good...or something like that...maybe she was giving me some hope :)! Well, you know how we do or at least I do and my sweet friend Becky Zeigler who came from Swansea to take me where I needed to go was with me and we think it is fine...you know with all our medical background - lol! Well, my friend Tamara...although she does not have a medical degree-she might as well - is my hook-up for Duke and she has some connections and she shared this with me about the test.These are her words- "I did speak with someone about the brain scan vs PET scan results. They said the results from PET scan should be conclusive and the brain scan ordered should just be for baseline only. In a nutshell….if the PET scan showed nothing then the brain scan probably won’t either….if it does it doesn’t matter because the chemo and God have it under control." She knows how to look at my scans and she said that my initial PET did look at my head and neck and that it said there are no signs of metastatic disease in the head or neck - I hope I said that right Tamara :) Can I just share with you that I was able to go to Charleston this past weekend to see soooo many people! My entire family(my little sis and her family of 6 from Florida, my older sis and her family of 7.5 - my niece is expecting, and my lil bro and his wife and her sis) was there and we got to share some time with some aunts and cousins!!!! It was a nice time!!!! We basically had our Thanksgiving dinner since many of us will not be able to be there then! AND I just realized I did not take any pics of everyone...oh well, I have the memories in my heart! It was a whirlwind weekend...I am sooo thankful that I was able to see some of my sweetest childhood friends whom I have not seen in about 10 years or more...it was an emotional time in my heart to see them b/c I love them sooo much...but we did good about not crying for the most part...so much has gone on in each of our lives and it was a bit overwhelming but WONDERFUL to see them...there is something about seeing someone in person to "see" that they are ok! Then, on the way back from Charleston on Sunday...we decided to stop on a whim and visit our Swansea family. Swansea is where my beloved had his first administration job and that is the first place that I have ever lived away from home! And they are still like family to us...So we got there just as church was about to let out and I was just going to wait outside the doors to give some friends some hugs when they came out and the youth pastor was like go on in and opened the doors(these are the doors by the stage - so I was facing everyone) and I just went in during the invitation...interrupting church in my jeans and flip flops and went right on in and stood on the second row- but that was not my plan...I was like oh no...but then I didn't wanna be rude and just shut the door back, you know. I did not mean to interrupt church but I needed to see and hug our Swansea family ...some of who I have not seen in about 10 years! And the precious people that they are welcomed us back with open arms! And we got to stay for lunch b/c they were doing a youth fundraiser and those of you who have been to Swansea...know that Swansea folk can cook and it is never just a little bit!!!!! :) That was just a sweet time with some special people!!!! So it was a bit of an emotional weekend and I know some of you are like why does she tell us this stuff...well I am not sure why ....just b/c friends and family share what's going on in there lives and b/c I am long-winded it will not fit in my status...lol! Thanks for listening to me share just to share! Catherine PS - Next Tuesday is my PET scan to see if the tumors are shrinking in my other organs...please pray if you don't mind!

A new PET Scan has been scheduled to see how well things are shrinking on the inside

Well, I had a big chemo today and I am a bit more tired than normal...I don't know if that is b/c they - whoever they are -lol say that as the build up of the chemo you will feel more side effects. ( I think the they's are just different doctors and people and stuff I have read in books in case you needed to know -lol) Well, I don't get nauseated b/c of the meds they have put me on Praise God...so I can take being tired...I mean hello I have an 8 month old baby girl and a 4 year old litte boy to keep up with - without chemo I think that is just part of life - but wouldn't change it for NOTHING!!!!!! :) I have recently spoken with my Doctor at Duke..he called me at home at 9:45 pm from home to make sure that he wouldn't have any interruptions in talking with me - how AWESOME is that - so compassionate - Anywho, he asked how my breast was doing - what a question - lol - anyways, I told him what the docs said here and I told him I was praying it was doing the same on my liver and he said "Almost 100% of the time if it is working on your breast then it is working on your liver!" WOOHOO! I must be honest and say I am a bit apprehensive to get too excited b/c who knows, you know! SOOOO he told me that he resent orders for brain scan down here and that the liver biopsy is just something to do in the future..I think when I go back to see him next on Dec 2 he really just wants to see how well the chemo is working and go from there!!! So that is the deal there!Today when I saw my Doc he said he would like to go ahead and get a PET/ CT scan scheduled to see what is going on inside and that the tumors seem to still be shrinking and my breast is getting softer compared to how hard it was in the beginning! :)So, my PET/ CT scan has been scheduled on November 24th and should find out results after Thanksgiving! I mentioned to one of my nurses today about when would the brain scan be and she said she would check with the Doc and possibly do it same time as my PET!!! So we shall see!Can I just share something with you - I am crazy I know but I don't know why I just always like to share with ya'll ..I just want too! It might be more than one thing so sorry! :) A few weeks ago I went to a store I always go to to buy baby clothes and a sweet, sweet young lady was there who I have talked to since b4 MIcah was born "She said are you ok" - since I looked different . This is the first time I had seen her since getting sick and I told her the deal and she said "Are you going to be a SURVIVOR" I know she meant no harm whatsoever ...some people just don't know what to say - I took no offense but at the same time I didn't know what to say..I said " I hope so" She said she would pray for me and I was off on my way. So then I started researching when do you become a survivor! I can't remember where I read it but I read something that said, "If you make it through the conversation of when your doctor tells you that you have cancer, then you are a survivor" - Cool! Then around the same time was the Komen race everywhere and I was looking at some pics from a survivor sister of her at her race and I saw people holding up signs like 1-5 year survivor and I thought ok..when I shared with her that that gave me encouragement she said there was actually a sign that said 1 year and under survivors :) I love it!!!!! And as if God didn't think that was enough for me to KNOW I was a survivor ALREADY, I got a very special gift from someone I have never met and it was a beautiful box and on the front it said Survivor and on the inside was a beautiful Survivor Angel ornament with these word - SurvivorTo celebrate your wondrous strengths and spirit so divine-You believe in miracles in the most cherished time.Your simple hopes and graceful dreams ride high on precious wings-This angel gently joins the chorus, for you it joyfully sings!Speaking of dreams..sorry..I told you it might be a little more..just one more...I received a journal that I have never heard of and thought I would share..It was pink with a pink ribbon on it and on the inside someone had already titled it "Catherine Peake's Pink Journal of Dreams " and in the card with the journal this person had said that she had already started the first page..I will tell you I read it cried - for excitement, for hope, for anticipation for new hair :)...you will "hear" why...the first Entry said "When I get well: I will wear pink ribbons in my hair and run on the beach with Mike, Micah, and Carrington! I will chase butterflies and marvel at God's wonders....YES, YES, YES I will!!!!!!It may not have made you as emotional but I just thought I'd share! So I guess that is way enough for now in my long-windedness! Until next time!A 77 day survivor sister, Catherine :)

Passing on some encouraging words from the Doc

It's been a few weeks and I have had some encouraging news from my surgeon and my oncologist here and thought I would share! Sorry..it has taken me a bit to let you know...you know how life gets :)...anyways...I saw my surgeon a few weeks ago and he is real outgoing and stuff which I love and he says "WOW, I can't believe what a positive response you are having with the chemo" He said the tumors are still there but they really have gotten alot smaller :) and says I think we are really close to a mastectomy..I say...ok doc..listen..I don't want one saggy boob and one perky one for the rest of my life - that I am plannning on being long and he says I usually do not suggest double mastectomy but would for me - ha!!! REALLY that was all in fun (although he really said that ) BUT I will take a bald head and no boobs - since boobs are overrated :) forever if I can live :) I hope you got all that ...I know I kind of write in not right English - but I am thinking you are getting my jist- OH or I can just blame it on chemo brain :)! So then when I saw my oncologist this past week before my big cocktail he basically echoed what the surgeon said...he even had to refer back to his notes to be reminded of where all the tumors are...So they are there but they are shrinking - Praise the Lord - because whether I am healed supernaturally or by medicine we all know who is directing this entire thing of HEALING - OUR HEAVENLY FATHER- how AWESEOME!!!!!!! So my beloved is like ...when are we doing some tests to see if the tumors are shrinking on my liver and the doc says he does about 6 cycles so ...in the next few weeks we will be seeing if it is working on my liver and I am soooooooo praying that it is!!!!!!! I have not been scheduled for a brain scan yet and am waiting on Duke to contact me about that and some other things and will let you know ! Thank you soooo much for all your prayers and support ...God really is soooo good ALL the time and surrounds us with brothers and sisters in HIM all the time we just have to open our eyes and "see" it, you know!!!! You all, whether in big and/or small have helped in ways more than you can imagine...I have to say some days are so much harder than others as you ALL know this with things going on in your own lives...but I just want to share something... Lately, I have been struggling with "looking back" so to speak...you know thinking of a "before cancer" memory and kind of just dreaming in the moment that I was there and not sick and then I went to this women's conference at my church this past weekend and the speaker there shared a verse that I have heard many times but you know how God speaks to you when He's ready - Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isn't that AWESOME!!! I mean, I would have never thought ok my "new" life would be to be "hemmed in" with cancer ...at least, for now...BUT God doesn't say ok now it's time to stop living...no He says " a new thing" - pretty COOL!!!!!!!!! I mean no one wants to be sick or die or have someone die you love soooooo much, but He has promised to do a new thing and I am looking forward to it! :) So, I am a bit long-winded...I just wanted to share about my bald head and my little ones! In the beginning, remember Micah would always want me to wear a hat and/or scarf...well the other day I was asking him which hat or scarf to wear - decisions, decisions - lol and he says "Mommy, why can't you just go outside with your bald head?" :) Precious :) And I usually have a hat on with my sweet Carrington, and I put one on the other day and she just kept trying to pull it off! I guess, we are past that part huh...just a tidbit of ya ;) So, thank you all soo much for EVERYTHING in EVERYWAY!!!!!!!!!! In Him!!! Catherine :)

Where to begin.....

So...about the Duke appointment....I feel like I am on information overload...the doctors spent about 2-3 hours talking with me about EVERYTHING...some promising ....some not so promising... Mike and I actually went up last night and my parents watched our babies so that we could be sure we were there this morning and knew where we were going...so we got to Duke this morning and they called me right in and this Fellow Doctor...studying under the doctor I was going to see came in and I gave him "the story"...cried a bit just rehashing it all...Told him I still believe that God can give me a miracle...and he said "I do not want you to give up on hope and/or your faith....but at the same time we need to be realistic" He did not say this in a negative light at all...he and the Doctor I saw who is suppose to be 1 of the top 5 leading Doctors in Breast Oncology in the nation were very positive and realistic at the same time...So they were just great!!!!!!!!! They were very compassionate saying "sorry you have this bad disease:....Here is kind of the downlow...The Duke Doctor said absolutely no surgery right now and he is not sure research shows enough management to take them off...who knows that may change...I thought that I had a brain scan..apparently not and he said that he was going to order one since I have the Her2 pos. and inflammatory cancer which is aggressive and can sometimes go to your brain :(...but we shall see. What is nice is he has spoken with my Doctor here in the past and he is going to send an order here for my doctor's office to have that ordered to cut down on travel...he also wants me to have 2 more big treatments(they will all be here) before I see him again to see if there is any significant change in my breast. I will go back to him on Dec 2 ..at this time he wants to biopsy my liver..he most likely thinks it is the cancer but he says there is something about knowing 100%...and if it's not cancer ...then they will have to find out what is on there...or maybe they will go in and God may have removed it :)!!!!! I asked about the spots on my lungs and he said they were smaller..apparently the 4 tumors on my liver are not? I just said you know I wanna see my kids graduate and get married...tears...tears...he said he wants that too and that he would even just get it to where maybe it is just something chronic that I have to deal with but still have a quality of life at the same time!!!! He said that when I come back in Dec. that if there is not significant change that he has many good doctors at Duke who are using new drugs in clinical trials...one is for inflammatory breast cancer which is what I have and this doctor is pretty passionate about it..so we shall see....When I was talking with the fellow doctor we were talking about prognosis stuff and for Stage 4, metastatic, inflammatory breast cancer-what I have...where do I lie between the 1-5 years they give you...or do I lie in making it 15 years...well I don't know ...and he wasn't being negative...just realistic..b/c everyone is different and ULTIMATELY my God is in charge of all this!!!! I did tell the fellow Doctor that I just want the pill to take to make it all go away and he got serious and said "And I would love to do that for you"....Who knows...things come out all the time ..they did try and feel my liver and said they couldn't ...told them no pain...they said that was good ..I guess b/c it is not inflamed...or maybe the tumors are gone :) On another positive note...my doctor here did a breast exam yesterday and could still feel the lump and the mass of tumors but were not defined as before...which he said was good ...baby steps are better than no steps! Also, the doctors at Duke said that there is still heaviness in my breast but since it seems the chemo is doing something positive...this is the direction we are going in!!!Chemo went good yesterday...I actually slept the entire time...they did give me something different this time since I had such bad sickness last time...a preventative for the nausea that I will take for the next few days to help the nausea not be so bad..I guess! I have to tell you that when we first saw this young fellow doctor ...he said ...well it looks like you have already been taking chemo(I had a scarf on my bald head)...and I said...yes...and he says I have seen many women with the bald head and it is not that pretty but I must say I am liking it on you...he said your pretty hot doing the whole pirate looking thing...then he says I hope that wasn't inappropriate as he looked Mike! HAHA!!!Also, when I was leaving in the big line...the lady in front of me said how are you doing and I said ok...I said how are you...said she was doing good for 2 years...I said I was just diagnosed about a month ago and of course I started crying saying what I always say..I have two babies at home...a few other women joined around and said "Oh honey you will make it then...you have to be positive...you've got an army behind you!!!" I said ...I have Stage 4,metastatic, inflammatory breast cancer ...forgetting that I am in the doctors office who treats metastatic disease and the women just started spouting off...so do I ...it's here and here and it's been 2 years or this or that....it was encouraging!So that was my day...I am tired and overloaded and praying that in all of this that my Heavenly Father is being glorified b/c he is the GREATEST PHYSICIAN and HIS plan is much bigger than anyone else's! He is still got it all under control and will take me to where HE wants me to be ...since it's all about HIM anyways!!! Catherine

I have an appointment with Duke!!!!!

I just have to tell ya'll that Duke called yesterday and made an appointment for me to see the Breast Oncologist and I am sooooooo excited....kind of nervous too...They made the appointment for next Wednesday which is the only time they had for a new patient for this Doctor for quite sometime and I was freaking out a bit b/c that is when my big chemo is scheduled. I called my Doctor here and they rescheduled the Cocktail for Tuesday. I pray I do not get sick and/or if I do that it holds out until I get back from our drive from Duke which is about 3-4 hours aways(although some of my friends have told me they can make it in 2.5 hours - you know who you are :) ) Treatment went well yesterday...this herceptin stuff I can handle and I hope it is just eating up all that cancer!!!!!!!!! Sooooo....after my last post ...the next day my hair just started falling out everywhere...in the shower in big clumps...I had to have my mother come in to help me get some of it before it clogged the drain! I got out and still just falling out everywhere..in my food ...on my sweet Carrington - which did not look like she was enjoying :) SO I went to the beauty shop and got my hair cut like Mike's - now we are twins...I mean, people have told us sometimes that we look alike...now we really do...but mine just keeps getting thinner everyday!!! It is still falling out but the pieces are much smaller and easier to clean up! I keep thinking my hair is up in a pony tale...BUT it's not! But that is ok.... Now when Micah got home from school he looked at me and said "Do you have hair like my daddy's, let's go find you a baseball hat" By the time he got in the house he had forgotten all about it...Every now and then he looks at me and says "Did your hair fall out?" But he is fine! Please pray that the decisions that we will be making will be what God wants us to do and that we know that beyond a shadow of doubt!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!! Catherine

Feeling pretty good...

I just wanted to let you all know that I have not had any real side effects from the Herceptin treatments only!!! Thank you all sooooo much for praying for me!!!! I have a little virtigo but apparently that is "normal" since my blood count is going down...not sure if I said that right but that is what I was told!!! So I have another Herceptin only treatment tomorrow - Wed morning at 10:30ish. It does make me tired when I am there...b/c they put benadryl in my bag so that I will not have an allergic reaction. Well, I got out of the shower yesterday and had about 20 pieces of hair in my hand and my head has been real itchy...so the bald head is on it's way!!!! I don't know why I don't just shave it all off already...it's like I am holding out....I am not sure how I will react when it does fall out and/or I get my head shaved...surely there will be tears...I am thinking it will make this crazy cancer thing "look" more real!!!!! But we are praying that this cancer is going away and I am thinking - or it could all be in my head ...but I think the lump and the "nests" (or cancer mass) may be getting smaller- I really don't think it is in my head!!!! I pray not!!!!!!!!!!! I just want it gone and pray that is in the Masters plan!!! I mean I think I look like a crazy person in my car sometimes just crying out to my Father ....pleading with Him to please, please, please HEAL me completely!!!!!!!!!! Ya'll- How do I say thank you to EVERYONE...I mean EVERYONE....for the prayers, for the fundraising, for the gifts, for the cards, for the emails, for just EVERYTHING.....It is just coming at me from every angle and I just want everyone to know that I am just sooooo thankful and I don't really know what to say or I would have said it!!!!!!!! I thank God for all of ya'll - FOR REAL!!!!!! Well, there is something that I wanna share that my sweet friend Mindy Waddel Hiers wrote. She shared it with me last week...it's a poem that she wrote that God gave her!!!!! I had to ask her multiple times if I could share and she finally gave in ;) I have to just tell you that my parents were here when I got it and I read it to them...hardly able to get through it ...we were all crying and my Micah was in the room and says "What's wrong with Papa...why is papa crying" And I thought what about me and maamaa...I guess he is done with our tears :) GRIP! In my grip I found A lump that had crept up without a sound. August 25th they said the results were bad. I stood there thinking of my babies and became so very sad. My Precious Ones, In my grip I’d always held. I knew for sure that I would not let them down. My Beloved stood beside me doing all that he could do. In his loving grip, without him what would I ever do? That night I wrote my facebook note. asking for prayer as I sat there and shook. By morning the prayer warriors were out in full force. They asked God for my healing and offered whatever it took. The new results came and confirmed our worst fear. The cancer had spread, for that much was clear. I said, “Let’s get started, why the wait” I was ready to fight this even though I’d been told it was no piece of cake.. When they said, “Not till Wednesday” I said, “I can’t wait anymore! You see, My Babies are waiting to play with me on the den floor.” God grabbed me and held me in his mighty grip, while Angels disguised as nurses moved things around. Now Tuesday is the appointment that they found. Tuesday will be the day we fight this barbarian. With God’s help, Cancer’s face will be smeared into the ground! Forever Grateful for all you Prayer Warriors - claiming Psalm 118 that this barbarian(s) will be smeared into the ground for a full and free life!!!!!!

Today was Herceptin only...praying no major side effects...

So today went pretty good...and not very long...I only had a Herceptin treatment! I did see my doctor and he said he talked to my surgeon this morning about me...I told him I hope it wasn't bad and that I am still praying for complete healing!!!! Ya'll...I watched the coolest movie the other night...for me anyways...someone told me about it but I was also walking through the movie store and saw it and rented it...It is called Living Proof - an original lifetime movie :)....that is based on the true story of how Dr. Slamon developed Herceptin to treat breast cancer...It was just so cool to me and explains a bit about how Herceptin can just eat the breast cancer... I loved it and now I am like where can I do a clinical trial...speaking of that...A friend of ours who has close relations with the Duke Oncology department was copying my tests to send there and as she was doing it her friend from Duke called and said ...I haven't seen your friend ...what's up...so she called me(this was yesterday) and said can I send them your stuff ...she immediately emailed them my stuff and a Dr. at Duke looked at it and made me an appointment...but then later found out that b/c of something on the scan that I need to see a different group of docs at Duke so waiting to find out what is going on there - What a God thing!!!...This is just for a second opinion...I must tell you I trust my Dr. here with everything and will stay under his care...but if someone has something else that we just don't know about ...I want it!!!! I pray that God puts me in whoevers Doctor's hands He wants!!! I really pray that I am just completely healed...have I said that yet- ha! I know that God has something planned out here and I am kind of just along for the ride..but sometimes in some split second moments when I am holding my children and/or playing with them...I think only for a second - WHY? and then think...I wanna be here for a very long time and be my babies mommy!!! I have to just rebuke those negative thoughts and know and trust in HIM who is faithful and that no matter what He is in control of all this and he does not want to harm me and/or my family and will take care of us and everything. But, friends, let me tell you I will fight with everything and anything and all things and whatever it takes to do my part in this battle!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all so much for all the prayers and for just everything!!!!!

Yesterday was not so good....

So I was doing well right after the chemo and then yesterday it just kind of hit me!!! I could not hold anything down...not a cracker ...not water...I tell you this not for you to feel sorry for me, but b/c I know if I ask, you will pray for me! It is so hard to not be able to be all upbeat in my children's faces, but I am so thankful my mother has basically moved in and is helping me in everyway! But you know I wanna be the one watching their every moment. I keep praying that the Lord is pushing that chemo through my body for complete healing!!!! And that I will have better days with my babies even during this time of treatment. Today I got some meds and feel a bit better well a lot better than yesterday! I am wondering if the Herceptin treatments will make me as sick as the big cocktail...hey whatever it takes!!! Today I also met with my surgeon so he could do a regular check-up on my port...it looks fine! He wants to see me after my next Big cocktail to see if the cancer has shrunk enough for a mastectomy...I told him GREAT and when we do this ... take them both!!!! We just chatted and he was like in an "ideal" situation the cancer will shrink everywhere to where they can't even see it and we would just pray it doesn't come back since we are not going to be taking out my liver and/or lung. With us removing my breasts and the two lymph nodes...they wouldn't be there for the cancer to grow back into ...I guess ..I hope that makes sense! My prayer is that it shrinks so small that it is not EVEN there and never comes back!!!!!!!!! Just a tidbit ...many of you know my kids sleep in the room with me...well we have put a bed in our room for our precious Micah and we went to buy new pillows and stuff and he picked out these pillows with the pink breast cancer ribbon all around the edges and he will not let us put the pillow cases on them that would cover them up! He doesn't know what they even mean or that I have cancer...he just knows I am sick!!! Isn't that crazy :O) Thank you all my old and new friends and my forever brothers and sisters in Christ!!! PS- Just b/c I haven't asked yet doesn't mean I won't be asking some of you for some help with my kids or rides to treatment, etc. Thank you much!!! "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" Isaiah 40:29-31

Round 1 Chemo date - 9.8.09

Today was good! Thank you all sooooo much for praying for me! I was just like rolling with it!!!!! I met with my oncologist and he seems to "think" that my shoulder is part of the cancer but not brittle b/c new bone is being made...He did not seem to be very worried about that and said we could just get that with radiation...ok.... So I must say I was a bit anxious about all this...went in ...met with the Dr and it was a good meeting ...he did say "You will do fine " and I was like I pray I do better than fine!!!! So they gave me some benadryl - in case I was allergic to the Taxotere..they gave me some saline and they gave me some nausea drugs all through my port at the very beginning...oh, my in the beginning they tried to get the needle in the port and couldn't and I hadn't put on my Emla to numb it b/c I didn't know where to put it...but do you know that the nurse thought that she was just killing me and what she was doing hurt less than when you get your finger pricked - Praise God b/c I am not good with pain! Thank you so much for praying me through that!!!!! I received three different drugs today in my chemo cocktail - Docetaxel(Taxotere), Carboplatin(Paraplatin), and Herceptin. Not sure what all that means but if it does some cancer killing I'll take it! Tomorrow I have to go get a shot to help with my white blood count since what I took today lowers it! So this is how it works ...next 2 weeks I have to do Herceptin -once a week and then the week after another strong cocktail! Prayfully, I will be able to physically see the cancer shrinking!!!!! For those of you who understand stuff I am Estrogen, Progesterin AND Her2 Positive...that is a positive on all three...Also, those who don't understand in which I didn't ...I think this is right - I have breast cancer so the cancer in the other parts of my body is breast cancer and those cells will be treated that way - I hope you got that or you probably already know...so the same chemo to kill the breast cancer should attack the BC cells on the other organs!!! My nurse was wonderful...I did tell her that I have a bigger God who I am praying has planned for me to be completely healed!!!! Then the doc came in to check on me and my beloved had stepped out to get us lunch and I was reading the word and jamming to some praise music and he asked how I was doing " I just said I am doing whatever it takes and praying for healing!" And I said...If ya'll got anything else back there to kill this cancer...just bring it on! I don't think he gets me...but maybe b/c he was like I know you are just ready to get this show on the road!!!! We were about to watch some movies "I told him I had Madea goes to Jail and New Girl In Town - I asked if he wanted to stay and watch it with us - ha" He said "He wishes he could but really had to go...." hmmmm, I wonder....Oh well... So I have not felt nauseous at all, but they did say that as the treatments go on it could get worse...it is more of a build up. I am just a bit tired...I told Mike afterwards that I really should exercise some...so maybe we should stop off for some retail therapy! Oh my I haven't said enough thank yous to everyone for PRAYERS, verses of encouragement, words of encouragement, emails, texts,comments, for Frozen dinners that just keep appearing at my house, for diapers, baby formula, baby food and my son's and my husband's favorite cereals and candy, for the gift cards...I am not sure who everyone is b/c there are no names on there...but please know we are soooo thankful!!!!!! Just for EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! Can I just share something - well we decided we kind of needed to let Micah in on the idea a bit since I should be losing my hair in the next few weeks. We have been telling him we have been running errands these last 2 weeks. So yesterday Micah and I went out on the back porch and I said "Mommy is sick and I have to go to the doctor and my hair is going to fall out" and I pulled my hair back and said kind of like this...he says to me "Can we pick it up and put it back on?" I said " It's ok b/c we can go pick out a fun hat or scarf or something and you can help" He said "Ok". Later last night he said "Are you going to take meds and your hair is going to fall out...I don't think I like that? :(" No tears for either one of us...I am telling you in my weakness He(God) is strong...b/c I really thought that I was going to lose it! Then today he was already home from school when we got home and he says "Did your hair already grow back?" All excitedly?!?!?! I said " It's going to take some time" Please pray for my most precious one in this "stuff"! I love ya'll and thank ya'll soooo much, my precious brothers and sisters in Christ!!!! Cath

The cancer HAS spread...I have metastatic disease...

I would just like to walk you through my afternoon...since most of you and your prayers have pretty much been with me all day and I am just at peace for some crazy reason even with my results!!!! Well, I know why I am at peace...my brothers and sisters have been praying over me and my Heavenly Father has NEVER left me and NEVER will!!! I have been super stressed out....I had my port put in yesterday and it went fine...I must tell you that my surgeon came in to speak with me before the surgery and had shared that the cancer had spread...but didn't have all the info...needless to say they had to give me some meds to calm me down b/c I was like what do I need to do...I have to get through this, I have 2 babies at home...and my surgeon was so comforting and saying it's going to be a hard road and they are going to do everything they can to take care of me- I really do trust him..he is a BELIEVER and said the rest is up to God!!!!!! So today we had to go in and we got there and I said to my beloved "Let's just wait a minute and listen to this song( I can't even remember what it was called) but the last part was "we just want to praise you" And I do want to praise HIM ...that in all this he receives all the glory..then we prayed silently b/c we obviously couldn't talk out loud at the moment... Anyways, the results are that it is in my right breast( which we knew), in two lymph nodes, two spots in my upper right lung and 4 spots on my liver and they saw a place on my left shoulder, but I told them I think it's just an injury b/c right before all the chaos started I started taebo and all kinds of crazy stuff to try and get in shape :)!!!!! The doctor says that he thinks that the cancer in that shoulder is in the bone if it is not an injury - PLEASE pray it is just an injury!!!!!!!! This is alot and not curable I understand, but I told him that I pray that they are going to be "rubbing their eyes" saying whoa ...where did it go?!!! I asked him if we could eventually do surgery on my liver if the cancer responds well to the chemo and he said that he hopes that it shrinks to where we cannot even see it!!! That's what I am talking about!!!! He asked if I had talked to my surgeon about getting a port put in ...I pulled my shirt down, said here it is ...let's get started and he went to check to see if we could...BUT we couldn't b/c I had to get some lab work done.. Went to check out and they said I couldn't come until Wed b/c they were packed...and a lady behind her said it would be so busy that I wouldn't want to come...Of course, I broke down and said I have cancer all in my body and I have got to get started, I have two babies at home ...and they were like wait a minute and they worked it out...so I get to start chemo on Tues and will be there about 5 hours! Those 3 ladies made my day and I am so thankful for them pushing to get me in!!!!!! Can I just tell you that I am thankful that it was not in my brain - Praise God! And I pray it doesn't go there!!!!!!!! My God is so good and he has great plans for me!!! I told my Doc I was going to fight, and fight and fight and the rest was up to God and prayed that he would heal me along with all of you if you will!!!!!!!! So MIke and I haven't been on a long date really since babies...so Tuesday we will have a chemo date! I ask that you will pray for the cancer to react to the chemo...I will be doing it once a week and then if we physically notice that it is growing smaller(since we can physically see that it has gotten bigger) then it will taper to 3 weeks! I will keep you all updated and ask that you please continue to pray for me!!! YOur sister in Christ!!!!!!!! Catherine

Not a big fan of this waiting stuff...

I just wanna share, I know I keep saying that but.....anyways, yesterday I had the PET and the test wasn't so bad to go through....BUT I didn't get any results! They said they will send it to my Dr's office and they should have it on Friday when we go at 2:45. I am thinking I haven't told ya'll this yet but tomorrow they are going to go ahead and put a port in at 2:15. This is just something that they put in my chest to be able to give the chemo through instead of keep messing with my veins. My surgeon says that I can wash and stuff with it b/c it will be under my skin...really not sure how all that's gonna work but whatever I need to do. The breast care nurse called me from the hospital and explained some things better to me and I felt ok...I don't think I told ya'll this either but my oncologist said that if it had spread then it is not curable :(. I don't think I quite understood...I am thinking I am doomed...but the nurse explained it that if it is just breast cancer the goal is to cure me...I guess as in cut them off and I told her I want them both gone even if there is nothing in the other one!!!!! If it has spread then the goal is to shrink the cancer and get it at bay to buy me years - I am not real fond of this idea of it not being totally gone!!!! And really, ultimately, who is in charge of all this - GOD! BUT I am jumping ahead...it kind of sounds crazy but I will be so thankful if it is only breast cancer! I really pray still in the name of Jesus that they are going to say WHOA, there is nothing there....BUT we don't know His plan right now!!!! The nurse said she met with the surgeon and that they explained my situation and it sounded like they are ready to "pounce" on this! I am like put the port in and where do I go for chemo...but she said they will probably start me Monday if not Friday. She said it also depends on how the cancer reacts to the chemo...my surgeon, told me that some people take chemo twice and they are cancer free and some take chemo and nothing happens...Either way God's carrying me through this and it may not be easy but He never said it would be! So that's what's going on until Friday's treatment plan from the doc. Oh and for those asking about Micah's first day...I went to pick him up and I said "hey, are you ready to go" He says "No" ...I was like see ya later thinking he would come and he says "OK"....The last few days when I have gone to wake him up at the crack of dawn ...He says "Is it time to get ready for school" so excitedly!! I miss that little one but I am so glad he LOVES it and so thankful he has such loving precious teachers!!!! Thanks once again for listening!

No results yet...I just have to share a minute...probably not "just a minute" but oh well...

This weekend I was kind of able to spend some quality time with my family!!! I cannot express to you how thankful I am for everyone! For the words of encouragement and PRAYER through text, cards, emails, in person...it seems I get them exactly when I really need them!!! God is so good, God is sooo good, God is soooo good, he's so good to me for putting you all in my life!!! I am just in complete AWE and so overwhelmed in the outpouring of sooooo many gathering in His name! It has really taken me back a bit!!! I cannot tell you how thankful I am!!!! I read EVERYTHING and I am sorry if I don't respond but I feel like words are not enough!!! BUT you do not know how much it means to me! Right after my tests I pulled out my phone and read the entire way to my car what everyone is "saying"- thank you Lord for not letting me trip on anything!!!! I have a minute before I go pick up my most precious one from his very first day EVER from preschool who has been with me since he was "woven together in the secret place"....so it's a little quiet, but won't be for long!!!! I went to this MRI, checked in, took my seat and pulled my Bible out of my purse - The Message version and thought ....what to read...I opened and usually I open it and look around a bit and then read...but I just thought well what's wrong with where I just opened it to....and this is what I read, Psalm 118:5-25 "Pushed to the wall, I called to God; from the wide open spaces, he answered. God's now at my side and I'm not afraid; who would dare lay a hand on me? God's my strong champion; I flick off my enemies like flies. Far better to take refuge in God than trust celebrities. Hemmed in by barbarians, in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt; Hemmed in and with no way out, in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt; Like swarming bees, like wild prairie fire, they hemmed me in; in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt. I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God's my strength, he's also my song, and now he's my salvation. Hear the shouts, hear the triumph songs in the camp of the saved? "The hand of God has turned the tide! The hand of God is raised in victory! The hand of God has turned the tide! I didn't die. I lived! And now I'm telling the world what God did. God tested me, he pushed me hard, but he didn't hand me over to Death. Swing wide the city gates- the righteous gates! I'll walk right through and thank God! This Temple Gate belongs to God so the victors can enter and praise. Thank you for responding to me; you've truly become my salvation. The stone the masons discarded as flawed is now the capstone! This is God's work. We rub our eyes - we can hardly believe it! This is the very day God acted- let's celebrate and be festive! Salvation now, God. Salvation now! Oh yes, God - a free and full life!" Psalm 118:5-25 So I must flick the barbarian(cancer) off of me and rub it into the dirt even if it has spread like a swarm of bees and/or wild prairie fire!!!! I have to be honest...I haven't been sure how I will handle it if the dr's tell me it has spread...It will not be fun to hear...but the God I serve is bigger than that and I pray it is His will that I will be healed!!!!! I just needed to share with you how AWESOME God is, not that you didn't know it already!!! Thanks for listening!!!!!!!!!

I am "In waiting"....

Well, today I had a bit of a chance to breathe and play with my sweet babies since I have been somewhere every day and overloaded with CRAZY stuff! The oncologists office made an appointment for me to have an MRI on Monday morning at 8:30, my Mugga(heart test) at 11:00 and on Tuesday the PET scan at 7:30 AM. At first I was like ...what ...why are they waiting, but then my Mike spoke with an oncologist with family ties and he said that he was pretty impressed with how quickly everything was going so... therefore, I didn't call the dr's office back to harrass them! We will be meeting with my oncologist on Friday of next week at 2:45 to go over the test results and get a plan of action so I will probably not be updating until then! BUT pray, pray, pray !!!!!!! Just to let you in on some of my thoughts because I know how many prayer warriors are out there and will pray....So.... I have breast cancer...I can sooooo beat that, cut them off ...whatever, I'll just buy new ones :)...my fear...which I don't even want to say is that it has gone to other parts of my body that cannot be removed!!!! So my prayer is they will say...no cancer and that it is just some crazy phenomenon BUT we all know that it would be a GOD thing!!! Or that it is isolated to the breast only! Please pray that my heart is strong enough and you can see what I wrote and pray anything else, I'll take it!!!! I do pray that the Dr's know what they are doing and that the machines detect everything need be!!! Thank you all sooooooo much! Mike is not a FB junkie so I have brought him down here to see EVERYTHING and all the support and prayers...I think I may just print all the comments and stuff down and put them in a book to read over and over!!! You cannot even grasp the gratitude I have! Much love, Catherine

Today's stuff - 8.26.09

Today was not fun! I want to first thank you for all the encouraging words and emails and PRAYERS, for you sharing it with all your peeps and for the facebook page for encouragement - I haven't checked it out yet but I will!!!! I cannot tell you how much that means to me right now!!!!!!!!!! I have been reading what everyone has written on my phone all day waiting in Dr. offices for "this and that" and it has given me strength to not just fall apart right now when really that is exactly what I feel like doing!!!!! I want to update you all because I know that there are so many people praying and I am so thankful, BUT I need more and I am going to write some specifics and if you see in anyway how to pray ...please do it! I do not need pity, just PRAYER!!!! Oh and those of you who said you could help in anyway with my kids or taking me to appointments - don't be surprised if I call! Today I met with the surgeon for biopsies of my breast and lymph nodes b/c they are swollen. Before we went back he podded and poked and said the same thing the radiologist said "This is worrisome, and seems to be agressive" He said he was going to do something he does not normally do which was to have the pathologist stop what they are doing and get my results instead of waiting 2 days. So they came back and he said It is cancer! :( He said it is the most typical type of breast cancer BUT the way it is showing it self is very aggressive. I asked him about a mastectomy next week which is what the radiologist said may be happening AND he said with the way the cancer is showing itsef it would be very difficult to do a mastectomy right now! SO he immediately made me an appointment with the oncologist and they saw me after hours. AND the oncologist says "This is worrisome and seems to be very aggressive" :( He said that first we are going to do an MRI on both of my breasts, a PET scan to see if it has gone to any other part of my body and a test on my heart to make sure it is strong enough for the chemo.(I have never had any problems before so I pray my heart is in GREAT shape)! They are going to try and set them up tomorrow or Friday and then from there I will be starting chemo. This is to try and decrease the size of the cancer to be able to have a mastectomy then I will be doing more chemo and radiation! He said that he did not see 4-5 spots on my breast to be worried about but at least 10! I pray that it has not spread anywhere else in my body! I really pray that they are still wrong and maybe the PET scan and MRI will show nothing ...but physically you can see that something is growing there :( So I wanted to share my burdens with my family and friends!!!!! Thank you sooooo much!!!! Still praising HIM in this storm!!!!!!!!!!!! Catherine

Please Pray for ME!!!!!!! 8.25.09

I am not a great writer of sorts...but here is my story and why I NEED any and every prayer anyone is willing to offer up!!!!!!!!!!! About 2 weeks ago I noticed a lump in my right breast and then noticed some toughening of the skin and redness. I decided I better go to the Doctor and check it out yesterday! They sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound today since my grandmother died of breast cancer! The radiologist came in and looked around a bit and said, "Unfortunately I do not have good news for you!" Some of everything he said is a blurr from then on. I was there by myself and so they called my beloved to come up! They said they could see about 4-5 solid masses and my lymph nodes were swollen and that they are 99.9% sure it is cancer! I will be having a biopsy tomorrow and should have results back by the weekend or Monday! They said I could be in the OR as early as next week for a mastectomy....they said this is a pretty urgent matter and the radiologist said that the way the masses look and the thickening of the skin and how quickly it all has changed ...he considered to possibly be a pretty aggressive type cancer. We will know 100% what kind in the next week!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how devastated I am! I keep thinking about my kids! I love my Mike so much but what about my most precious children- how will they understand all that is going on in the next few weeks!!!! I will be having a PET scan to see if it has spread anywhere else in my body!!!!! Honestly, I pray in the name of Jesus that they are WRONG!!!!! Please shoot one up for me! As I was telling 2 of my most precious friends who came by earlier...I am usually a very private person...BUT I need a prayer any prayer!!! Thank you much!!! And thank you much for the one's already praying!!!!! In His Grip, Catherine!